My synonym search turned up the following words and phrases: Not valid, without value, effect, consequence, or significance, lacking, nonexistent, and being or amounting to zero. It seems to me that nothingness is sure loaded with a lot of something-ness. As I seek to annul my first marriage, I am confronted with this overwhelming urge to reaffirm my history rather than reject it. Granted, those were not the most wonderful five years of my life, but they did exist. That union served a multitude of lessons on (slightly tarnished) silver platters, and to deny this section of my life would be likened to lying for religious purposes. I just can’t bring myself to go there.
Annulment is a soft sounding word for a very rock hard action; invalidating a marriage. I am about to declare my first marriage null and void and this takes some getting used to. I mean, wasn’t the divorce enough? Doesn’t the Almighty already know the circumstances leading up to and right after the great divide? Apparently, documentation is required for us humble humans to just make sure everything is kosher. This leaves me feeling amazingly empty. I want to take credit for the milestones in my own life, for better or worse, in sickness and health, and for richer and poorer (pardon the horrid puns). My life experiences and personal history help make me the matchless and beautifully appalling person I am today.
As of right now, my intentions are to continue with this odd marital rewind. Why? Well, first of all, it occurred to me (along about question 32 of the brain-numbing and heartbreaking marital resume) that church law and civil law are two very different animals and should be kept far apart from one another, but I digress. Basically, I am divorcing my ex-husband spiritually now and not just civilly. Also, the church is declaring my first marriage invalid, not me as a person. I still exist; I am just a little louder now. The most important reason, however, for this little blip on my path of enlightenment is relatively simple. I am in love, and that should explain everything.
You're the same person, a little louder, that's true...the annulment would scare me too, my friend. It just seems...strange? What is the belief regarding your boy? Oh, and I LOVE your fishies :)
ReplyDeleteIf an annulment is granted the church does not look at the children as illegitimate. In the annulment process the church looks at the marriage the same way the court may look at contract to determine if it is valid. i.e., Were the persons married in sound mind (we all look back and say no), was there durress, did the persons have the mental compacity, etc. The church tries to determine through testimonies of the couple and their witnesses if the couple was ready and understood what it meant to take a vow. If it is determined that they did not understand, the church says there was a civil marriage but not a holy marriage therefore the couple was never married in their eyes. Maybe since I've grown up Catholic, this is not such a strange concept to me. I'm not saying I completely agree, however it's just not foreign to me. As for the civil divorce vs an annulment; if most people feel a civil divorce can end a marriage blessed in a church, why bother with a church wedding at all? It obiviously means nothing.
ReplyDeleteIf the truth is what you seek, you will, likely, only find it from Rome.
ReplyDeleteYou may(or may not) find this worth your time:
You can find the "original" here:
http://wdtprs.com/blog/2010/02/benedict-xvi-to-the-churchs-jurists-and-tribunals-shun-pseudo-pastoral-claims/#comments
Read the post by Justalurkingfool!
Everything you do has an impact on the person you are and will become. Sometimes we learn lessons the hard way but perhaps they never would have been learned at all had the hard thing not happened. I think that you are right, you can't just say it never happened because you must be thankful that it did - so that your road branched the way it did. But that doesn't mean you have to think about it all the time. Obviously if the church determines that you went into it without the capacity to understand it, then at this point you now must gained that capacity in order to recognize it and have thus grown.
ReplyDelete